Self-phobia

There is little more we can do for immortality, than to write
There is little more we can do to die, than to write
There is little more we can do; than to write

we breathe for survival, eat for survival, fuck for survival, we write to live, to kill, to be remembered, to die. Everything we want, need, hate, can't live with, and adore is in the words we're too afraid to just spill on to pages for fear of triumph

I'm so scared.

this is all a big mistake, every moment of my life i actually try for something is going to lead to nothing, everything i envy is little more than the illusion i have constructed of happiness. Nothing is ever as good as you imagine it. Nothing is ever as good as the original. nothing's as good as coke, nothing's as good as lauren (nothing's as awful either) nothing will compare to the lost first kiss the moments of bliss.

I was so scared.
I didn't even know what's going on, and

I am so scared
that i'll never figure out what to do.

I'm so scared, but I promies to hold on.
please, hold on.